There’s one thing I dislike more than picking up dog poop. That’s picking up someone else’s dog’s poop.
As I’ve probably mentioned, I’ve been walking dogless since March when we lost our pet of 14 years. When you’re walking without having to pay attention to a dog, you start to notice things that you didn’t notice before.
One of the things I noticed is dog poop.
What I noticed is that some people let their dogs’ poop and leave it where it falls.
OK. That I get, and I’ll admit I’ve done that myself on occasion. You head out and forget to put some bags in your pocket. It happens.
Then there’s another group of people. Those people have bags, use them to scoop up their dog’s poop, and then toss them on the ground.
Now, some of that I can understand. I’m sure if you’ve ever walked dogs, you have, at least once, gotten home and noticed that the bag had fallen out of the grip of your gloved hand. It happens.
But when I see bags of dog poop lying on top of or behind bushes, that wasn’t an accident. No, that action came with intent.
There seemed to me to be a large amount of that type of thing happening. That is, people using a bag, tying it shut, and then just throwing it on the ground. But maybe the problem wasn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe I was just counting the same bag or two every day.
I decided to find out.
Recently, I started walking with a dog again. And, since I’m usually carrying a bag of poop anyway, I decided that I would start picking up the rogue bags I found strewn about, and count them.
Let’s Get Started
Four days ago, I started picking up the maliciously discarded bags of dog crap. This morning, I picked up my 27th bag. That’s right. In four days, I picked up 27 bags of dog shit that someone should have disposed of properly, but didn’t.
Now, I’m going to speak to those people who are so self-centered that they think someone else should pick up their dog’s shit.
Hey assholes! Narcissism and stupidity are a bad combination. And you have an overabundance of each.
Properly disposing of dog crap is a two-step process. The first step, picking up the poop, is the hardest part. Step two, throwing it in an acceptable receptacle is easy. Any idiot could do it. Well, apparently not any idiot. Because you can’t seem to do it.
I don’t understand what you could possibly be thinking. Dog poop is 100% biodegradable. Except for the occasional Lego, even the largest logs will disappear in a couple of weeks. Unless, that is, someone who only cares about himself wraps them in plastic and tosses them in the bushes.
I’m not endorsing this behavior, but it makes more sense to just let the poop fall where it may than to wrap it in plastic and then leave it behind.
Looking at the Science
Dog poop bags have one purpose. That purpose is to make it easier for responsible dog owners to pickup, carry away, and properly dispose of dog shit. That’s it. Biodegradable poop bags DO NOT make things biodegrade faster.
On average, a biodegradable dog poop bag will take between three months and one year to fully decompose. That means those bags you’ve been carelessly throwing alongside the trail will be there many months from now.
And that’s only if you used biodegradable bags. About half of the bags I’ve picked up so far were made of your normal, run-of-the-mill plastic. Sort of like a mini Hefty bag. Those things can take anywhere from 10 to 20 years to fully decompose.
Which means that those bags you were too good to, or too stupid to, dispose of properly will be lying there for at least the next decade. Unless someone else picks them up.
It takes a special kind of stupid to expect someone else to come behind you and clean up your mess. And you are exactly that type of stupid.
Last week, before I started my mission, but after I started making my observations, the city I live in was dumped on with 1.36 billion gallons of rain in a single hour. Yeah, it was a thing. The local news covered it.
The next day, I noticed that there was no dog poop anywhere. My dog had even left a couple “control poops” in my backyard and they disappeared as well. The rain had dissolved or washed away all of it.
On our entire walk, we didn’t see one pile of dog crap. Except, that is, bags and bags of your dog’s shit that you so thoughtfully hermetically sealed in plastic and left behind for someone else to pick up.
Tell me please, what’s so special about your dog’s crap that you think it should be kept fresh as long as possible before slowly biodegrading? If it’s that important to you then maybe you should just take it home.
Be Better
Like I said, dog poop bags have one purpose. To make it easier and more convenient for the DOG’S OWNER to dispose of his, or her own dog’s crap. That means you, the owner of the dog who pooped it out, should start giving a crap about other people and pick up your own dog’s shit.
And just to be clear, bagging the poop and then leaving it on the cable box in my neighbor’s front yard does not give you partial credit. If anything, it highlights just how big of a moron you actually are.
So, shit-for-brains, if you’re looking for a New Year’s resolution, I have one for you. Stop being an asshole, and start picking up after your own damn dog.
